My kids are a disaster...again

Every night around 6:30pm my kids take a shower or a bath. For about 6 minutes after they get out, they are shiny clean. Their wet hair glistens and is combed into exactly the right spot, their freshly washed jammes are dog hair free and their newly dried skin smells of soap and lotion. 6 minutes later they are a disaster.

Jack, my oldest son, is always inexplicably rolling or crawling on the floor. A floor that no matter how many times a day I vacuum, has dog hair on it. Nicholas, newly obsessed with his electric toothbrush has his mouth covered in toothpaste. Down the stairs we go for a bit of playtime where inevitably that combed hair turns into wild, unruly messes. A bottle for Nicky results in milk all over his mouth, jammies and sometimes furniture.  The pacifier that follows the bottle traps the drool that can only come from teething and before I know it my baby's once sparkling face is now a disaster.

Tonight we didn't even make it 6 minutes. I literally got both kids out of the tub and into towels, turned them loose into the hallway and immediately heard Jack yelling "MOM, Nicky is peeing on my rug!" I ran in and sure enough there was my 19 month old, naked and taking a big ol pee on a restoration hardware carpet. Awesome. So now, I had one clean kid and one slightly wet kid that smelled like pee.

I wonder if girls are this dirty..

My 10 rules for living a good life

1. I don't care what the fox says

2. Dogs are pets, not accessories

3. If you are against gay marriage, please crawl back under your rock and leave everyone alone

4. If you have a car that costs more than 100K, you have too much money and need to start investing in truly meaningful causes

5. If you are reading a parenting book that tells you that its ok for your child not to share, please close it immediately

6. Dancing around your kitchen with your children is a necessity

7. Live as though you are always paying it forward

8. You can always find common ground with someone- know their story before you judge

9. Live with empathy

10. Go into the world with the intent to do good

Finding things to do on yet, another snowy day

I am not someone who can sit in their house for hours and days on end because its too cold to go outside. I would much rather brave the winter than listen to the repeated whine of "I'm bored". As I have mentioned before, Jack is not an independent player. If he isn't watching a video or playing a game on the iPad...he is bored. In the nice weather, my husband and I grab our coffee, our kids and our dog and head out to one of the many neighborhood parks but in the winters you have to be more creative. Most people hate the weekends that fill up with events...not us. If there is no birthday party, dinner party or get together we panic. Tim and I scan the web, the papers, anything to find children friendly events. Saturdays are usually ok between the library, the children's museums, the conservatory but Sunday is dreaded. Nothing is open until 11 and even then its usually just the shops. And by the time they are open, Nicky is close to nap time. We take them to our gym and then sit nervously outside the daycare trying desperately to formulate a plan. Last weekend the big suggestion was Menards. Taking 2 boys to Menards to look around did not sound thrilling to me, so it was scratched in favor of the conservatory. The Oak Park conservatory is free, with a suggested 2$ donation, and can fill at least an hour. Between the talking parrots, the warm rooms filled with plants and the "find the____" game that the conservatory gives your child, its a good way to get your child "outdoors" so to speak. We rounded out our morning with a trip to McDonalds play land and made it home just in time for nap. The afternoon actually turned out perfectly as we made it just in time for a free childrens concert at School or Rock and finished our day with a stop at the library where we finally scored 2 boxes of girl scout cookies. Our kids were exhausted and my husband and I high fives each other for getting through an empty weekend unscathed.
Thank God we have 2 parties net weekend!

Picky Eating...a 1st world problem

My youngest son eats almost nothing. So you can imagine my delight when our pediatrician told me that he might be lactose intolerant and to cut the cheese so to speak. Not just cheese, but milk and yogurt as well. 3 things that I am guaranteed to get my son to eat. He turns up his nose at eggs, hamburgers, most pastas (plain or sauced) and any meal that does not look like or taste like a hot dog. Sure he will happily accept a big ol bowl of crap...crackers, goldfish, pretzels, nutrigrain bars, you name it. If its artificial... its for him! He likes quesadillas but those are full of cheese. And forget about vegetables. While my now 4 year old would have to be encouraged to slow down on the veggies, Nicholas thinks they are ridiculous. He puts them to his mouth and gently touches them with the tip of his tongue and just as we are slow clapping ourselves for getting him to eat it, BOOM its been thrown to the floor. He throws it with such force that you would think he had a personal vendetta against the thing. Our dog, grateful for the snack, flinches as the food flies toward his face. Nicholas will spend most meals standing on the bench seat on one side of our table. Before you judge his table manners, please spend a meal with this kid. Spilling, throwing and refusing to eat are just a handful of his mealtime antics.

I started looking through pinterest, websites and blogs for recipes and tips for finicky eaters. They all claimed "Your child will be sure to finish his plate with zealous abandon!" They shared advice like "Never force food or trick food into your childs mouth, it will create eating issues later on". Embarrassed that my remedies and methods were obviously wrong, I tried all the suggestions and recipes and was met with minimal success. We went back to our clearly inadequate methods of threatening and trickery and at one point I could hear myself saying that age old adage...."There are starving children in India". Now a 19 month old with very limited language had no idea what I was talking about but it made me feel better to say it. Yes, Nicholas mommy may be forcing food down your gullet but I am doing it because I love you and because kids in India are hungry. The more I thought about these hungry Indian children, the more I started thinking about truly hungry kids...the ones Sally Struthers was telling us about. I bet picky eating is not a problem in developing 3rd world nations. I bet whatever I set down would be happily and gratefully gobbled up. I highly doubt that hungry children turn up their noses or complain about what you've cooked. I am positive that they eat whatever is put before them.

I think the problem is that our kids have too many choices....and not just in the food arena. We were told for so long that our kids needed to have choices, so they could express themselves. And now that advice is literally "biting" us. I think we need to return to the old method of parenting. Where kids knew their places and were polite and didn't talk back. They worked hard, helped around the house and were expected go to school and have a paper route all before they were teenagers. Look at how our grandparents generation turned out. No one was coddling those 12 year olds that came to America alone...on a boat...penniless, and they built this country. I think Im going to have to let my son be hungry if he refuses to eat. From now on I will be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. I will make nutritious meals and if my kids don't like them...too bad. When they are hungry enough...they will eat.

my baby

As I glance around the room of my soon to be 4 year old,  I can see relics of his time as a baby fading away. Gone are the framed foot prints and mobile that hung by and on his crib. Instead a personalized Superman print is prominently displayed above his "big boy" bed. Gone are the polka dot crib sheets, the glider, and the soft stacking blocks. Only the 3 sketches of stuffed animals remain. The art that I found, fell in love with and spent a fortune on while I was pregnant with him. They dot his wall as a reminder that although he is growing, he is still my baby.
His room, like his personality is changing everyday. He no longer runs to me when I pick him up from school, no longer wants to be hugged and kissed in front of friends and I'm no longer a perfect angel in his eyes. These are the moments that fade away so quickly and imperceptibly that if you blink you may miss them.
I can remember like it was yesterday, the day he was born. The overwhelming love I felt. Holding my perfect son and promising that I would always love him and be there for him. I would have endless patience to help him to learn and grow. We spent hours playing and I was amazed at every new development and milestone he reached. I had every toy, every baby necessity and each thing was in pristine condition. No pacifier that fell on the floor went unsanitized, stains were treated and lifted gently out of clothing and toys and highchairs were lovingly polished to a shine. I had what I like to call "first time mom syndrome" You remember that time, when you believe that motherhood is exactly as you imagined. You have a beautiful, special child that you can take along to lunches and on shopping trips. A quiet child that naps wherever and whenever. You notice the approving glances from strangers as you pull boogie wipes, hand sanitizer and an endless aray of snacks from your perfectly packed diaper bag and you think to yourself "I have so got this..I'm an amazing mother" Now that I'm 2 kids deep and on most weeks, a single mother, I am on the opposite end of the spectrum. The other day I found cheerios in my sports bra...that I was wearing, after I had been to the gym, and without thinking....I ate them. Thinking back, this is clearly disgusting, but at that moment my choice solved 2 problems. I had nowhere to throw them away and it had been a while since my last meal. If I have baby wipes with me, its a miracle and must only be because some superior mother must have felt badly for me and slipped them into my trunk. My kids are noisy, rowdy, and dirty to the point that they literally leave a dirt ring around the tub every night. I find myself, not full of patience but constantly on the edge of shouting at someone. Each new development for my youngest is noticed in passing and does not make me want to cry out in elation and delight. This type of mothering is nothing like I imagined but as far as I can tell...its the real deal. I know, I'm not alone and I take great comfort in that. As much as I roll my eyes at the "new moms", I can't help but envy them. I remember that stage and all the joy and love that went into every decision.
As I softly close the door to my "big boy's" room, my eyes fall on a framed picture of the two of us. In the photo, I am lifting him into the air and nuzzling my face into him while he laughs and shrieks. It was taken on a day when he was still my tiny baby and that invisible line that would move him farther away from me was blissfully imperceptible. A time when his every movement was considered pure genius to me. That moment, captured in time reminds me that every moment I can keep him close is a gift. That every time I can make him laugh or amaze him will be one more moment that each of us can look back on and treasure. I may not be the perfect mother, but I'm smart enough to recognize that one day my children will be grown and drift away.

Makin new friends

Making new friends in your 30's is like dating. You spot someone in your neighborhood, or playgroup or at work who seems like they might be a good fit. You have casual conversations which eventually lead up to asking them to do something in another setting. There are nerves involved, you wonder if they like you, if your kids will get along and hope for the best.
When we decided to move back to Chicago, I was relieved to have a pre-established friend base to rely on. When we actually got here, I was a little surprised and disappointed to learn that things had changed just enough in all of our lives that  I couldn't depend solely on these friendships to get me through. Kids, jobs, husbands, work schedules and family engagements filled up social calendars to the point that it was almost impossible to find time to get together. You start to realize that its almost a requirement to have friendships with women who are on the same schedule as you. Sort of like a dating checklist which might list things things like, great sense of humor, smart and ambitious; my new friend checklist has things like: stay at home mom and able to play in the afternoons and kids with similar ages and nap schedules. Once we have established that we are compatible in those areas, we can move onto other important areas....funny? likes to shop? sarcastic? loves and appreciates Davis Sedaris the appropriate amount.?
Today, I made the move- so to speak- on woman in our neighborhood. We had met several times, waved to each other around the neighborhood, exchanged pleasantries at the park...it was enough for me. I knew she had a 2 year old son, a husband that worked long and uncertain hours, that she ran and was a stay at home mom. Perfect. I boldly went to her house, introduced myself, told her she should stop by anytime with her son to play and invited her to Jacks birthday. She took my number and now its up to the Gods.  Maybe I'll be as lucky as I was in LA when I met one of my best friends on the street. Im not sure lightening strikes twice but I'll never know if I don't put myself out there.

When the talking wont stop

Everyday around 4pm, I lose the ability to take in any more information from my 4 year old.  I have been saturated with language, but the words just don't stop coming. My son Jack can talk about anything, anytime to anybody. While I deeply admire and love the fact that he is an extraordinarily social creature, it can also be exhausting. I wake up everyday and the very first thing that I see is my son's face in mine asking "Mom, can I watch a bideo (video)." Luckily, bideo time is usually the only time he is silenced. It allows me to get my coffee, put together his brother's bottle and gather my thoughts before we launch into never ending conversation. He is funny, sarcastic, interesting and poignant but even the best conversationalists can only hold your interest for so long. Please dont misunderstand me...I love Jack and I know that one day in the not so distant future, he will be a sullen and silent teenager and I will long for the days when he wanted to chat with me for hours on end. But today, I'm exhausted. So, I will rest my ears and sit in silence...gearing up for what tomorrows conversation may hold.